Different people like different things. And why should I be the most important person for you..? Why should it be me and not someone else? Maybe if I knew the answer for this question, you would be with me
It’s unfortunate to come to the realization that your love for someone in fact means a burden for that person and that they would rather have you be gone than around. I suppose the ultimate act of love under these circumstances is to do them a favor and leave, but the other side of the coin, your personal worth, will be melted down, as their side and your love for them shines.
I am going to be okay. You don’t have to take care of me. I know that was always your excuse for not wanting to be with me… that it’s too much effort to make happy. But the fact is, you don’t really know me. You never really did.
Because if you would have known me, you would know that the smallest things can make me overjoyed. Really really small things. Like coffee, walking around, smoking cigarettes, or holding your hand. I just get so happy and sad about everything. I guess I feel too much. I guess I am not like normal people. But some people still love me. And you’re not one of them. But that’s okay. Because I’m going to be okay. Despite of what you’re trying to put in my head… that I need you.
But you don’t want to be with me, anyway. And I don’t need you. Now I know. I’m going to be okay without you.
Depersonalization disorder (DPD) is a dissociative disorder in which the sufferer is affected by persistent or recurrent feelings of depersonalization and/or derealization. The symptoms include a sense of automation, going through the motions of life but not experiencing it, feeling as though one is in a movie, feeling as though one is in a dream, feeling a disconnection from one’s body; out-of-body experience, a detachment from one’s body, environment and difficulty relating oneself to reality.
Popularity and success aside, you can always be completely devastated about heartbreaks. But the question is, is it worth it? What do we prove if we give in to depression and self-destruction just because someone who we want doesn’t want us? I always thought that it was a sign of true love you know, if you destroy yourself until you vanish out of existence because the one you love the most doesn’t want to see you. Here, I love you so much that I will disappear. In some distorted way it made sense to me. Now I am starting to think that if someone I love now doesn’t love and want me, it doesn’t mean that someone in the future who I will have similar feelings for won’t reciprocate it. Just because something hasn’t happened to me yet, it doesn’t mean that it never will.
I am very lonely, you know. All my friends are always hooking up with and dating other people -some of my friends are actually married. They often tell me things like “the best way to forget someone is to get under someone,” or that “you just need to be less picky and get over yourself.” Still I cannot get myself to settle for less than what I’ve had, and back when you were with me it felt like I had a lot… sometimes it felt like I had everything I ever wanted. And one day I lost it all.
If you only felt for me what I feel for you… So many people wish for this. I know I am not alone because other people are also stuck in one-sided relationships too, but I still feel lonely, and I want to be around you even if you will never love me back. But being around you keeps me waiting and hoping and waiting and hoping, and I have started to hate myself for hoping. Nobody should ever be hated for hoping, so I don’t know if I can do this anymore. I don’t know if I can do this to myself anymore. I’d rather miss you than hate myself.
Everything meaningful requires sacrifice. And every sacrifices take something from us that we couldn’t take back. It was gone like a leaves fall from tree. Like a future of time traveler. And i sacrifices my good time in past and longroad future, just help a bit out you. But most of all, i gave you my present, every tear i made, every bone i feel cracked, my hand to help you out, my brain to borrow, my leg to walk you anywhere, my childness to cheer you up, my wisdom to grow you up, my stupidness to smarten you, my knowledge to direct you, my time to make you not feel alone. But sorry, i cant bought you camera, flower, bags, dresses, and all stuff you want, yet. I wish i will i can.
You really are gone and you really are happier without me than you were with me. I remember that you always used to get mad at me for being sad; “I’m sick of you dont make me happy,” you would say. Inspite of that, You make me happy, you know, to the extent that a person like me can be happy. I never even made it your responsibility to do so, but you just couldn’t accept me as the person I was; a person that’s not always happy. I am the same way without you too. Some days are better than others. Some days I think I can conquer the world, but I am too lazy to do it. I think it’s good enough if I am nice to the people around me –a new development. It’s quite fulfilling, actually. I never would have though that everyone else in my life is enough to replace you. Maybe I am even happier this way, I am not sure. As you know, I’ve always spent a great deal of energy to detach myself from my own emotions. Except for my love for you. But my love for you was never enough for you, and never would have been, because you wanted me to change –or really, you probably just wanted someone else.
It is fine though. Someone will love me for who I am.
Ok, seems it is the last im goin to write, Sometimes I think, you know, it wouldn’t be too bad to fall in love with someone, just for the hell of it. But I’m done with this breaking heart, and I wish other people would be too. Just get crush, get know each other, meet her parents, ask them to marry her, yes, then so. No, so get over it.
But nonetheless I feel like everything around me is shifting and clicking and cracking, and somehow I am caught in the middle of the machinery of mundanity, where constant change just becomes the colorless norm. I thought that you would save me from here, because when I was around you, things started to matter all of a sudden. It mattered to smile a lot and to act cute. Or at least I thought so… but I guess I was wrong.
Today I woke up, and I thought about how interesting it is that there are so many individuals of the opposite gender in the world, but there is only one of me. And I wanted to see how I would fit with them all, you know, at least compare hand sizes.
Cintailah seseorang/sesuatu yang kita idolakan dengan cinta biasa-biasa saja (dengan sederhana), siapa tahu besok dia mengecewakan. Sebaliknya juga terhadap orang-orang yang kita benci, mari kita benci dia dengan sederhana pula, sisakan sedikit ruang, siapa tahu ke depan justru dia yang menyelamatkan ”. Ajaran Rasulullah tercinta bukan?
“After a while you learn that you don’t need anyone else in order to survive. No one is ever going to always be there, no matter what they say or what they promise you. You just gotta suck it up and accept it.”—
Mr lost his toupee:What makes you think you can raise a 7-year-old?A 10-year-old? A 13-year-old?You know what that means?She'll be six years more advanced than you. What makes you think you can do that?
Im not gonna tell you what you should do with yourself. In million way of possibilities, you will find your way, be tough. I just want to remind you about your children in the future. I have a boy and daughter now, and dont wonder how, thats will be your children though. Remember, dont be such a dictator for your children. I make three main rules for them, first, never, ever, hit your sister and your brother, never lie to your parents, and never ever steal someone’s stuff or take others belonging without any permission.
Now i said to my self everytime, in case your wife is pain in the ### too, i’m not raising my children as a hero, that so must be perfect, thats so must be genius and smart, or must earn trophy and achievements to decorate my house, actually its great, but there are more important thing that that. I’m raising my children with their strength and their weakness. I made them learn its okay to not be perfect, as long they could through their life and the most important thing is, they are so happy being my children. Good achievement from school or any kind of that, is just a bonus, not a compulsion.
ok, i will write again next time.
You- in the future who already had children.
*ps: and its okay to let your children to play x-box, when their mom not around. im kidding. She is nice, and beautiful.
I’m sorry that you had to go through all the pain that you did. I know that the reason you stuck around was because you loved her so much and there was just this force that made you stick around. I wish I could have warned you but its okay don’t worry you’ll get through this. Let the pain out because holding onto it isn’t going to help you. If you want to move on let go of all the pain and stop holding onto memories because they’re in the past. If you ever need space away from everyone then do just that. Don’t give up ever, no matter how hard things are just keep trying. Life will get tough and stress you out but take it easy on yourself. Focus and try to get the best that you can because your life depends on it. I know you really want that good wage and to get into the journalist then marry her, so just work for it. Take those little steps and get your work done. Don’t you dare procrastinate and don’t make excuses for everything. I want you to know that whenever you are going through a rough time, make some time for yourself and think it through. But, please don’t overthink, it’ll torture you and hurt you even i know you dont know how. You will feel like people don’t understand you anymore, but don’t worry just hang on. I’m sorry that your life is so complicated but I promise you that it’ll get better. Just remember to smile everyday and start doing things for yourself. Don’t be afraid to say something and be who you are. Don’t let anybody bring you down because you don’t deserve that. Remember to always think positive. Also when things get rough, you can take sholat. I hope you take my advice, it’ll really help you through everything, trust me. And you will marry her. and im not trying to make you feel better.
And, obviously, i dont know the guy who write you from sometime in the future x, and i wonder too. But i guess he is so old.
Regard, you – a year later.
*ps: Oh man, i bought xbox 360 a month ago, why dont you tell me earlier?
At first I began writing a list of things I wanted to warn you about, things I thought that if given the chance I would wish to change. If I’m honest, I have spent countless hours yearning to erase these life changing occurrences.
Except then I began to think about it, and I mean really consider what it would mean. It’s then that I realised that everything that has happened - as horrible as so much of it has been - has enabled you to grow into the person I am today. You see, if you weren’t to endure everything you’re about to face, then I wouldn’t be me. It would be erase the person we grow to be, it would be erasing myself from existence.
I hope you will understand, and I know that you will face what is to come with great strength. Know that when you feel you can’t keep going, you can; when feel anything but strong, you are.
some time in the future x
*ps: Dont worry, you will have x-Box 720 around 2013, so dont buy 360 ok! be Patient!
Remember what you have been through in the past, take your heart down, take your head down, take your gaze down. Share your happiness for your kids no matter how sad your life will. Raise them as kid, not a hero, it is not that important for them to be smart, to be rich, just show them happiness, it will make them as smart as smurfs.
And, stay with your lovely wife too, how matter pain in the ### she is. She is gift from god, so keep her, be patient and smile, everything will be okay in the end. Keep your heart strong and stay calm.
ok men, i will write for you someday, i wish you look good than me now.
Seorang pria sedang mengendarai motor dan melewati sebuah pasar. Kemudian dia melihat seorang pengemis yang sedang dipukuli oleh satpol pp. Kemudian pengemis itu ditinggal dengan muka memar dan kesakitan.
"Ya Allah, kenapa pengemis itu dipukuli dan kenapa Engkau tidak melakukan apa-apa?," tanya pria itu saat berdoa.
Kemudian dalam hatinya seperti ada yang berbicara.
"Aku telah melakukan sesuatu kepada pengemis itu, aku ciptakan engkau,"